By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Updated
Search this and you get six results, two of them anonymous forum threads. There is no shortage of people in this situation and almost nothing written for them.
| A reasonable wait | Two to three working days for a non-urgent email is normal in most family practices. A week without acknowledgement is not. |
|---|---|
| First step | Talk to your lawyer. The ABA's own guidance opens with it: "A lack of communication causes many problems." |
| Second step | A short written follow-up that references the original date. This creates a record and usually resolves it. |
| Silence vs neglect | One slow reply during a trial week is normal. A pattern of unanswered messages, missed deadlines and unreturned calls is different. |
| Complaints and money are separate — US | Discipline addresses conduct. It "will probably not help you recover any money." Fee disputes go to fee arbitration. |
| Complaints and money are separate — Canada | Law societies handle conduct. They do not reduce bills; that is a court review or assessment. |
| You can change lawyers | The ABA states it plainly: "You can decide whom to hire (and fire) as your lawyer." Count the cost of the handover first. |
Keeping track of dates like these across a stack of letters is exactly what SortMyDivorce does — start a free trial, no card needed.
Most non-response is not neglect. Family lawyers carry heavy caseloads, court dates consume whole days without warning, and a matter that feels like the only thing happening in your life is one of forty on someone's desk.
That is an explanation, not an excuse, and it does not make the silence easier when you are waiting to find out whether you have to move house. But it matters for how you respond, because the approach that works for an overloaded lawyer is different from the approach that works for one who has stopped acting.
It is also worth checking one thing before anything else: is there actually nothing to report? Long stretches of a family matter are genuinely dead — waiting on the other side, waiting on a court date, waiting on disclosure. A lawyer with no news sometimes says nothing, which is poor communication rather than poor lawyering. "Is there anything to report, or are we waiting?" is a question with a quick answer.
There is no rule, and any number given here is a norm rather than a standard. But as a working benchmark for a family matter:
A non-urgent email — two to three working days for a substantive reply, or at minimum an acknowledgement. Many firms have a stated policy; check your retainer or client care letter, which often specifies one.
A time-sensitive question, where a deadline is running — same day or next day. Say so explicitly in the subject line, because otherwise nobody knows.
A genuine emergency — a child safety issue, an imminent court deadline, a bank account emptied — should reach someone the same day. If your lawyer is unreachable, ask for whoever is covering. Every firm has cover arrangements; most clients never think to ask.
A voicemail — a call back within two working days, or a message from an assistant explaining when.
One week of silence on a non-urgent matter is annoying. Three weeks of silence with a deadline approaching is a different thing entirely.
Work through these in order. Most matters resolve at step two.
Step one: check your own message. Uncomfortable but often decisive. Was the ask clear? Was it buried in paragraph four of a long email? Was it one of six unrelated points? Did it actually contain a question, or was it an update that reasonably needed no reply? A large share of "my lawyer isn't responding" turns out to be "my lawyer didn't realise I was waiting for something."
Step two: a short, dated, neutral follow-up. This is the step that works.
Subject: Following up — 8 August email re property proposal Following up on my email of 8 August about their property proposal. I have not had a response and I would like to know how we are proceeding. Could you let me know by Friday, or let me know if there is a reason for the delay? Happy to speak if easier.
Three things are doing work there. It references a specific date. It asks for a specific response by a specific time. And it is not angry, which means nobody has to be defensive.
Step three: phone the office, not the lawyer. Ask the assistant or office manager when your lawyer is next available and whether anyone else can help. Assistants know what is happening — whether your lawyer is in a three-week trial, on leave, or genuinely ignoring the file — and they are usually glad to tell you.
Step four: ask for a file review. Escalate the form, not the temperature. Ask for a scheduled call to review the current state of the matter. Send an agenda first, listing what you believe is outstanding. This converts a vague grievance into something a professional can act on.
Step five: put your concern formally, in writing. If there is still no engagement, write once, plainly, and keep it factual: the dates you have written, what remains unanswered, and what you need. Ask for a written response within a stated period. Note whether your firm has a complaints procedure — most do, and it will be in your client care documentation.
Step six: consider whether the relationship is over. Covered below.
Silence is a communication problem. These are different, and they are worth naming clearly:
Deadlines missed. A court date, a disclosure deadline, a limitation period. This is the most serious category by some distance. Repeated non-response across weeks, including to written follow-ups. No progress at all over a long period with no explanation and no answer when asked. Being unable to get a straight account of what has happened on your file. Money questions unanswered — what has been drawn from your retainer, and against what.
If any of those apply, you are past the communication stage. Get the file reviewed, and get a second opinion if a deadline may have been missed.
This is where most of the available advice online is simply wrong, and the distinction matters.
In the United States, conduct and money are two separate tracks.
Complaints about conduct go to the body that governs law licences in your state — usually a state bar or an office of disciplinary counsel. The ABA is direct about the limits of this: disciplinary action "may punish the lawyer for misconduct, but it will probably not help you recover any money."
Fee disputes go somewhere else: fee arbitration, run by state or local bar associations. Programmes vary. Where actual loss has been caused, the routes are a malpractice claim, or — in cases of theft — a client security fund.
In Canada, the same split exists and is even sharper.
Law societies handle conduct. They do not touch the amount of a bill, and they say so themselves. The Law Society of Ontario states it "does not set fees for legal services and cannot reduce a lawyer's or paralegal's bill that you think is too high." The Law Society of British Columbia: it "cannot order the lawyer to reduce his or her bill." The Law Society of Alberta: it "cannot assist with legal fee issues" and has "no authority to order a lawyer to reimburse a client."
Challenging the amount is a court process — an assessment in Ontario, a review in British Columbia and Alberta, a taxation in some other provinces — with different bodies and different deadlines in each. British Columbia also runs a free Fee Mediation Program through the Law Society, capped at three hours, which is a much lighter first step than a formal review.
So: if your complaint is "my lawyer will not talk to me", that is potentially a conduct issue. If it is "my lawyer has charged me too much", that is not, and filing a complaint will not get the number changed.
You can. The ABA puts it simply: "You can decide whom to hire (and fire) as your lawyer."
Whether you should is a narrower question, and the honest answer is that it costs more than people expect. A new firm has to read the entire file before it can do anything, and you pay for that reading. If a court date is close, changing may not be practical. And if the underlying problem is that your matter is genuinely stuck waiting on the other side, a new lawyer inherits the same wait.
It is usually right when a deadline has been missed, when trust has actually gone rather than frayed, when you cannot get a straight account of your own case, or when you have raised the problem formally and nothing changed.
If you do move: get a written account of the file's current position, confirm what is outstanding and what deadlines are live, and deal with the transfer of your documents promptly. Your new lawyer will want the file, and delays in the handover are both expensive and risky.
Waiting is not the same as being helpless, and the useful things are all things that reduce future cost.
Keep the record current — what has been proposed, by whom, when, and what is outstanding. Chase anything that is genuinely yours to chase. Write down every deadline you know about somewhere with an alert on it, rather than relying on a file you cannot see. And keep your follow-ups short, dated and factual, because a clear paper trail is worth having whichever way this goes.
Two to three working days for a non-urgent email is a reasonable expectation in most family practices; a week without any acknowledgement is not. Check your client care letter — many firms state their own standard, and holding them to their own published policy is easier than arguing about norms.
No. Repeated emails cost you money and rarely help. Send one clear follow-up referencing the original date, then phone the office. Volume is not escalation.
Get advice before withholding payment. Non-payment can entitle a firm to stop acting, which may leave you unrepresented at exactly the wrong moment. Raising a billing query and paying are not mutually exclusive.
It is unlikely to, and it may end the relationship. Complaints are a route for genuine misconduct, not a way to speed up a slow file. Try the file review first.
Treat that seriously and get a second opinion promptly. Missed deadlines can sometimes be remedied if addressed quickly, and the window for doing so is often short.
No, and it is worth separating. Long inactive stretches are normal in family matters — waiting on disclosure, on the other side, on a court date. Ask directly: "Is there anything outstanding at our end, or are we waiting on them?" If the answer is that you are waiting, that is a case update, not neglect.
Last reviewed August 2026. Researched and written by Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice — laws, fees and forms change, so please confirm current details with the official sources above or a local family lawyer.
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