By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Updated
Two different things get asked in these words, and confusing them is expensive in both directions.
| Question one | "I have been served with court documents." There is a real deadline. |
|---|---|
| Question two | "I have received a letter." Usually no fixed deadline, but consequences can still follow. |
| How to tell them apart | Served court documents come with a formal heading, a court file number, and usually a stated period to respond. |
| The danger of confusing them | Treating a served document as a letter can lose you the right to participate. Treating a letter as a court deadline hands the other side control of your pace. |
| Who can tell you which | Your lawyer, in two lines. |
| Unilateral deadlines | A date the other side chose. Generally no force — but ignoring reasonable proposals can matter later. |
| If you need more time | Ask, before the deadline, in writing, with a proposed new date. Extensions are ordinary. |
Keeping track of dates like these across a stack of letters is exactly what SortMyDivorce does — start a free trial, no card needed.
"I've been served with divorce papers — how long do I have?" This has a real answer, set by the rules of the court where the case sits, and missing it can have serious consequences — in some systems including the matter proceeding without you.
"My spouse's lawyer sent a letter — how long do I have?" This usually has no fixed legal deadline at all. Correspondence is correspondence. But it is not the same as "there is no consequence", which is where people get it wrong in the other direction.
Both get typed into a search box in the same words, which is why the results are a mess.
A served court document generally has a formal heading naming the court, a court file number, the parties named as applicant and respondent (or petitioner and respondent), a formal title such as Application, Petition, Claim or Motion, and often an explicit statement of the period within which you must respond and what happens if you do not. It usually arrives by a formal method of service.
A letter is on the firm's letterhead, addressed to you or your lawyer, and reads as correspondence. It may still contain a date the writer has chosen.
If you are not certain which you have, treat it as the first and ask your lawyer immediately. The cost of being wrong in that direction is far lower.
Three kinds, and they look identical on the page. This is covered in more detail in our guide to deadlines hidden inside lawyer letters, but in summary:
Court or rule-based — a date fixed by the rules or by an order. Real.
Statutory or limitation-based — a period after which a right is gone. The most serious deadlines that exist, and family law has several. They vary enormously by jurisdiction and some run from the end of a relationship rather than from any court step.
Unilateral — a date the other side's lawyer chose, to create pressure. "Please respond by Friday" in a letter arriving Wednesday, with no rule behind it.
You usually cannot tell which from the letter. Extract every date and ask your lawyer which are real. That is a two-line email and one of the highest-value questions you will send.
Even where a letter carries no binding date, ignoring it can cost you.
Reasonableness can matter later. In many jurisdictions, how each side conducted the negotiation becomes relevant when costs are decided. A pattern of unanswered reasonable proposals is not a good look, and it is documented in the correspondence.
Silence can be treated as a position. If a proposal is made and never engaged with, the other side may proceed as though it was rejected — or as though you have no answer to it.
Delay can be a strategic loss. If the current arrangement favours them, your slowness helps them.
Some letters contain a real deadline anyway. A disclosure request, a step under the rules, a limitation period — all can arrive inside an ordinary letter.
So the practical rule: you may not have to respond by a specific date, but you should almost always respond. Through your lawyer, and promptly enough that nobody could characterise the delay as unreasonable.
Extensions are entirely ordinary and are usually granted, particularly if you ask before the deadline rather than after.
Ask through your lawyer, in writing, with a reason and a proposed new date. "We are waiting on the corporate financials from our client's accountant and expect them by 30 August; we propose responding by 5 September" is a request most firms grant without argument.
Asking early is also a record of reasonable conduct. Asking after the deadline has passed is a different conversation.
Contact a lawyer immediately — today. Some missed deadlines can be remedied if addressed quickly, and the window for that is often short. Do not assume it is hopeless and do not assume it is fine.
That depends on the rules of your court and the method of service, and it genuinely varies. Ask your lawyer, and keep the envelope or the delivery record.
There is no automatic obligation to respond to correspondence. But a settlement proposal that is never engaged with can have consequences later, particularly on costs. The label affects whether the letter can be used as evidence, not whether you should answer it.
Say so, in writing, before the deadline. Courts and opposing firms deal with this routinely. Look into legal aid, duty counsel, public legal information services and limited-scope retainers in the meantime — and do not let the search for a lawyer run past a real deadline in silence.
Sometimes. It is a stated intention, not a deadline the rules impose. Whether they will and whether it would succeed are questions for your lawyer — but it is a signal that the correspondence stage is ending, and it should be answered rather than ignored.
Last reviewed August 2026. Researched and written by Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice — laws, fees and forms change, so please confirm current details with your court’s official website or a local family lawyer.
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This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.