When kids are involved, a divorce stops being just about dividing property — it becomes about building a workable second life for your children, on paper and in practice.
Canadian family law moved away from the old language of 'custody' and 'access.' Under the federal Divorce Act, courts now generally talk about 'parenting time' (when a child is in each parent's care) and 'decision-making responsibility' (who decides on things like health care, education, and religion). The two are separate: a parent can have significant decision-making responsibility with less day-to-day parenting time, or the two can be shared equally. Every decision courts make is filtered through the 'best interests of the child' standard, which generally looks at the child's needs, existing relationships, stability, and — depending on age and maturity — the child's own views.
This shift in language matters practically. A letter proposing 'sole custody' in the old sense might really be proposing a specific split of decision-making and parenting time, and it's worth reading proposals for what they actually change rather than the label attached. If a letter uses outdated terms, that's not necessarily a red flag — just confirm exactly what is being proposed for the schedule and for decisions.
Very young children (infants and toddlers) generally do best with frequent, shorter transitions between homes and predictable routines, since long stretches away from a primary attachment figure can be harder at this stage. Proposals for infants sometimes include shorter blocks with more frequent exchanges rather than a standard week-on/week-off schedule.
School-age children usually benefit from a stable, predictable calendar that fits around school, friends, and activities — this is often where a fixed rotating schedule (alternating weeks, or a 2-2-3 pattern) works well, along with clear rules about who handles school communication and extracurricular costs.
Teenagers generally want — and courts generally give some weight to — input on their own schedule. Rigid arrangements can create friction as teens' social lives and preferences grow more complex; many parenting plans for this age group build in flexibility and a mechanism for the teen's preferences to be considered, without making the teen the one who has to decide between parents.
A workable parenting plan usually goes further than 'every other weekend.' It typically covers: the regular schedule, holidays and school breaks (which usually override the regular schedule and need their own rotation), how decisions get made and what happens if parents disagree, how the parents will communicate about the kids (and how they won't — e.g., not through the child), and how the plan gets reviewed or changed as children get older.
Specificity protects everyone. A plan that says 'flexible arrangement by agreement' sounds cooperative but gives no fallback when parents don't agree in the moment. Naming exact pickup times, locations, and who does school drop-off on transition days avoids the disputes that vague plans tend to produce.
Most of the friction after separation shows up in writing: a proposed schedule change, a request to relocate with the children, a disagreement about a school or activity, or a letter setting a deadline to respond to a parenting proposal. Relocation in particular generally carries specific notice requirements and short response windows, so a letter about a move is worth flagging immediately rather than letting it sit.
Because parenting arrangements often get revisited as kids age, the letters that document what was proposed, agreed, or contested at each stage become the reference point later — both for your own memory and, if it ever gets there, for a court or mediator trying to understand how the arrangement evolved.
Not under the federal Divorce Act, which now generally uses 'parenting time' and 'decision-making responsibility' instead of 'custody' and 'access.' Some provincial legislation and older documents may still use the old terms — confirm with a local lawyer which framework applies to your file.
There's no fixed age. Courts generally give more weight to a child's own views as they get older and more mature, alongside all the other best-interests factors — a teenager's preference typically carries more practical weight than a young child's.
Not necessarily. Even with shared parenting time, support is generally still calculated from each parent's income, and a set-off or adjustment is common rather than an automatic zero. Confirm the specifics with a local lawyer or your court's guidelines.
SortMyDivorce reads the letters piling up about your kids — schedule proposals, relocation notices, response deadlines — and turns them into one organized, dated record with every issue and quote in one place. $39/year.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.