By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Updated
Most content on this is written as though there is one remedy. There are several, they run through different bodies, and picking the wrong one costs months.
| The first split | Support breaches and parenting breaches take different routes. |
|---|---|
| Support, in Canada | A government enforcement agency handles collection — Ontario FRO, Alberta MEP, BC FMEP. |
| Alberta MEP | Collects "court-ordered child support, spousal and partner support, and enforcement as needed." Either the payor or the recipient can register — only one needs to. |
| Support, in the US | State child support enforcement agencies under the federal Title IV-D programme. |
| Parenting | Generally a court application, not an agency. |
| Contempt | A serious, formal route. Not the automatic first step. |
| What to do first, always | Document the breaches — dates, what the order says, what actually happened. |
| What not to do | Self-help. Withholding a child over unpaid support, or withholding support over a missed visit, generally makes your position worse. |
Keeping track of dates like these across a stack of letters is exactly what SortMyDivorce does — start a free trial, no card needed.
Whatever route you end up taking, all of them run on the same input: a factual, dated record of what the order requires and what actually happened.
Build a simple table and keep it current:
1 Jul — What the order requires: Support of $X payable monthly · What happened: Not paid
5 Jul — What the order requires: Handover 6pm Friday · What happened: Child collected 9:20pm, no notice
1 Aug — What the order requires: Support of $X payable monthly · What happened: Partial payment, $Y
16 Aug — What the order requires: Handover 6pm Friday · What happened: Not collected; no contact
No adjectives. No interpretation. Dates, requirement, outcome.
This matters for a practical reason beyond evidence: a pattern is treated very differently from an incident, and you can only show a pattern if each instance was recorded at the time. Reconstructing six months of missed handovers from memory produces something that reads as a grievance rather than a record.
If the breach is unpaid child or spousal support, the route in most of Canada and the United States is an enforcement agency, not a court application. This is the single most useful thing to know, because it is free or low-cost, it does not require a lawyer, and the agencies have powers a private party does not.
In Canada, each province runs one: Ontario's Family Responsibility Office (FRO), Alberta's Maintenance Enforcement Program (MEP), British Columbia's Family Maintenance Enforcement Program (FMEP), with equivalents elsewhere.
Alberta's programme describes itself as handling the "collection of court-ordered child support, spousal and partner support, and enforcement as needed", collecting from the payor and distributing to the recipient. One detail worth knowing: "Either the payor or the recipient can register for MEP — only one needs to register."
In the United States, every state runs a child support enforcement agency under the federal Title IV-D programme, and services are available whether or not you receive public assistance.
These agencies typically have collection tools that go well beyond what you could pursue privately. Ask what is available in your jurisdiction rather than assuming.
Verification note. The specific enforcement measures available to each agency were not verified for this guide and are deliberately not listed. They differ by province and state. Check the agency's own published materials.
Parenting breaches — missed handovers, withheld time, unilateral changes to the schedule, moving without consent — generally do not have an agency. The route is back to court.
Before that, two things are usually worth doing.
Put it in writing, once, factually. Through your lawyer if you have one. "The order provides for collection at 6pm on Friday. On 5 July collection was at 9.20pm and on 16 August it did not occur. Please confirm the order will be complied with." That creates a record and occasionally resolves it.
Consider whether the order still fits. If an arrangement is being breached because it has become unworkable — a shift change, a move, a child's activities — the remedy may be a variation rather than enforcement. Ask your lawyer which you are actually dealing with.
Contempt is the formal finding that someone has deliberately disobeyed a court order. It is a serious application with serious potential consequences.
It is also generally not the first step. Courts typically expect to see that the breach is clear, that the order was unambiguous, that non-compliance was deliberate rather than the result of circumstance, and that other routes have been considered.
The practical implication: a contempt application built on a vague order, or on a single incident, or without a documented history, tends not to succeed — and an unsuccessful application can carry costs.
This is exactly why the documentation comes first.
Two moves are common, both understandable, and both generally damaging.
Withholding the children because support has not been paid. These are separate obligations. Non-payment does not suspend a parenting order, and withholding time in response puts you in breach as well. You go from being the party who complied to being one of two parties who did not.
Withholding support because parenting time has been denied. Same structure, same result, and child support is generally treated as belonging to the child rather than being a payment for access.
If you are at the point of considering either, that is the moment to speak to your lawyer rather than to act.
Verification note. The specific enforcement measures available to each agency were not verified for this guide and are deliberately not listed. They differ by province and state. Check the agency's own published materials.
Verification notes. 1. Only the Alberta programme was verified against its own published page. Ontario's FRO, BC's FMEP and the US Title IV-D agencies are named for orientation and were not separately verified for this guide. 2. The specific enforcement powers of each agency are not listed, because they differ substantially. 3. No US state enforcement or contempt procedure is described, because they differ too much to summarise safely. 4. The description of what a court typically expects before finding contempt is a general characterisation, not the test in any particular jurisdiction.
Generally not, if you use the enforcement agency — that is what it is for, and registering is usually free or low-cost. For parenting breaches or a contempt application, you will want advice.
Agency enforcement is not fast, and it varies with the payor's circumstances and what tools apply. Court applications take longer still. Start early rather than waiting for arrears to accumulate.
Genuine inability to pay is different from refusal, and it is usually addressed by an application to vary the order rather than by enforcement. If your ex's circumstances have genuinely changed, expect that to be raised — and expect it to require evidence.
You can be self-represented, and many people are. Court self-help centres and public legal information services can help with the forms. If the application is contempt, get advice — it is a technical area.
It is the single most useful thing you can do, and it is what most people arriving at this point wish they had started six months earlier. Dates, requirement, outcome.
Common and frustrating, and enforcement is a poor tool for it. Vague orders produce this, which is an argument for specificity when the order is made. Discuss with your lawyer whether a variation with tighter mechanisms is the better route.
Last reviewed August 2026. Researched and written by Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice — laws, fees and forms change, so please confirm current details with the official sources above or a local family lawyer.
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This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.