Mediation works best when you walk in prepared, not when you walk in hoping the conversation will sort itself out — a little structure beforehand tends to save both money and heartache.
A mediator doesn't decide anything. Their job is to help you and your ex-partner reach your own agreement on parenting, property, and support, with someone neutral keeping the conversation productive. That means the quality of what comes out of mediation depends heavily on the quality of what you both bring into the room — vague grievances rarely resolve, but specific, documented issues usually do.
Most mediators will ask each side for some disclosure and a rough sense of the issues before the first joint session, sometimes through separate intake calls. Courts in most provinces generally encourage or require attempting a dispute resolution process like mediation before contested litigation, so treat the prep work as the real first step of your case, not a formality before the 'real' negotiation starts.
Disclosure is the foundation everything else sits on. Before mediation, most people benefit from assembling recent tax returns, pay statements, account statements for banking, investment, and retirement accounts, mortgage and property records, and a basic list of debts. If either of you owns a business or is self-employed, income documentation tends to need extra care, since that's where disagreements about support most often start.
Bring the letters too. If lawyers have exchanged correspondence — proposals, deadlines, responses — those documents are often where the actual history of the negotiation lives, and mediators appreciate a clear timeline more than a pile of loose paper. Confirm with a local lawyer what disclosure your jurisdiction expects before the session, since requirements and forms vary.
Going into mediation, it helps enormously to have three numbers in mind, worked out beforehand rather than during the session. First, your monthly budget — realistically, what you need to live on afterward. Second, a rough total of the family property and debts, so you know the size of the pie before discussing how to split it. Third, a general sense of the support picture, since child and spousal support in most provinces are guided by federal formulas tied to income, not negotiated from scratch.
Nobody expects these numbers to be exact on day one, and a good mediator will help refine them. But arriving with your own honest estimate — rather than an anchor number picked to win — tends to make the whole process move faster and feel less adversarial.
It helps to separate what you want (your position) from why you want it (your interest). Two people can hold opposing positions on, say, a parenting schedule while sharing the same underlying interest — stability for the kids. Naming the interest out loud often opens options a fixed position closes off. Sort your open issues loosely into categories — parenting, property, support, disclosure, process — and note for each one what's actually been said, by whom, and what you're still waiting on.
Stick to what was actually written or said rather than what you assume was meant. If a letter proposed a date or a number, that's a fact you can point to; your read on someone's intentions is not. Mediators work faster with participants who can say 'this was proposed on this date' than with participants arguing about motives.
Mediators come from different backgrounds — family lawyers, social workers, accountants trained in family mediation — and the right fit depends on what your case needs most. If property and support calculations are the sticking point, a mediator with a financial or legal background may move things along faster. If the central issues are parenting and communication, someone with a family-counselling background may fit better. Some mediators handle both.
Ask about their process, fees, and whether they offer a preliminary screening call, particularly if there's any history of family violence or a significant power imbalance — many mediators screen for this before agreeing to proceed. Well-regarded mediators are often booked out for weeks, so it's worth starting the search as soon as you know mediation is likely, rather than after the first session date is needed.
Not necessarily to attend, but most people benefit from at least one consultation with a local family lawyer beforehand, so any agreement reached reflects independent legal advice. Confirm with a lawyer what's typical where you live.
Partial agreements are common and still useful — mediation can narrow the issues that go on to arbitration or court, rather than requiring every point to be settled at once.
Keep a clear record of every letter, quote, and date. Bringing an organized timeline of what's been proposed and when tends to make mediation sessions shorter and less contentious.
SortMyDivorce reads the legal letters you've received and turns them into one organized case file — every deadline, every position, every open issue tied to its exact quote — so you arrive at mediation with facts, not a folder of loose paper. $39/year.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.