Divorce rarely moves in a straight line, but it does move through the same handful of stages almost every time — and knowing which stage you're in tells you what to expect next, and what to save.
Separation is usually a date, not a document — the point at which spouses stop living together as a couple, whether or not one of them has moved out. In many places that date matters later for property valuation, support calculations, or minimum waiting periods before a divorce can be granted, so it's worth writing it down precisely rather than relying on memory months later.
This stage is also when the first letters tend to arrive: a note from a spouse, a lawyer's introductory letter, or a proposal about who stays in the home and how bills get paid in the meantime. None of this is binding yet, but it sets the tone, and early positions have a way of resurfacing later in negotiation. It's worth reading these letters carefully and keeping every one, even the ones that feel informal.
Filing is the formal step of asking a court to grant the divorce and, usually, to address property, support, and parenting arrangements alongside it. Requirements vary — most systems have some form of waiting or separation period before a divorce can be finalized, and the paperwork itself ranges from a simple joint application to a contested claim, depending on whether both spouses agree on the basics.
Once a matter is filed, correspondence tends to shift from informal notes to formal letters with real deadlines: responses to file, disclosure to produce, dates to appear or respond by. This is where missing a date can have consequences, so it's the point at which most people start actively tracking letters rather than just reading and setting them aside.
Before property can be divided or support calculated, both spouses generally have to disclose their finances — income, assets, debts, and often several years of financial history. Courts in most jurisdictions treat this obligation seriously, since fair outcomes depend on both sides working from the same facts.
This stage produces the largest volume of letters and documents in a typical divorce: requests for statements, follow-ups on missing items, and disputes over what still hasn't been provided. It's also the stage where organization pays off most directly — a request that's easy to lose in an inbox is exactly the kind of thing that turns into a missed deadline or a disputed claim later.
Disclosure and negotiation often overlap rather than happening strictly in order; partial information starts conversations even while the rest is still being gathered.
The great majority of divorces settle without a trial, through direct negotiation between lawyers, mediation, or a collaborative process. This is where the letters from earlier stages start to matter most — an offer made three months ago, a position taken in writing, a deadline that was or wasn't met all become part of the record both sides work from.
Negotiation moves through proposals and counterproposals on property division, support, and parenting, each usually documented in a letter or written offer. Keeping track of what was proposed, by whom, and when — with the actual language used — makes it far easier to see whether a position has genuinely shifted or is being restated.
Many places now expect or require some attempt at mediation or a similar process before a contested court date is available, which is part of why this stage often takes longer than people expect going in.
Resolution can mean a signed settlement agreement, a consent order, or a judge's decision after a hearing — and in most systems, the paperwork finalizing the divorce is a separate step from the agreement on property, support, and parenting. It's common for the terms to be settled well before the formal divorce order is issued.
Even after resolution, the letters don't stop entirely: confirmations that terms were carried out, occasional follow-up correspondence, or requests to vary an arrangement years later. Having the full record — not just the final agreement, but the letters that led to it — is often what makes a later dispute quick to resolve instead of a fresh fight.
It varies enormously by jurisdiction, whether both spouses agree, and how contested property or parenting issues are — courts generally note that agreed, well-documented cases move faster. Check your local court's website for typical timelines and any mandatory waiting periods.
Roughly, but they overlap in practice — disclosure and negotiation especially tend to run in parallel, with new information reopening earlier conversations. Filing can also happen early or late relative to when negotiation actually starts.
Every letter, in order, with dates: informal notes from separation, formal filings and deadlines, disclosure requests and what was sent, and every offer or position taken during negotiation. Courts generally value a clear written record over a recollection of events.
SortMyDivorce reads each letter as it arrives and turns it into one organized timeline — every deadline, every offer, every issue, tied to the exact quote it came from. Wherever you are in the process, it keeps the record straight so you don't have to. $39/year.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.