By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Published
Most damage in a contested divorce isn't done by a dramatic error. It's done quietly, by small habits repeated over months. These are the ones that cost people the most money, time and leverage.
By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Published
The single most expensive mistake. Incomplete or slow financial disclosure invites follow-up requests, motions to compel, and — worst of all — the argument that everything else you've filed is unreliable. In some circumstances a settlement can be reopened years later because disclosure was incomplete.
Provide it fully and early, even the parts that don't flatter you. If you discover an omission, correct it yourself immediately rather than waiting to see whether it's noticed.
This applies on both sides of the border. Canadian courts can set aside agreements where disclosure was incomplete, and US courts can reopen or sanction for the same reason — some states impose penalties specifically for concealed assets. There is no jurisdiction where hiding something has turned out to be the low-risk option.
Deadlines rarely arrive with fanfare. They appear in the middle of a paragraph on page three — respond by the 14th, provide the appraisal within 30 days, this offer expires at 5pm on the 17th. Miss one and you can lose an option, incur costs, or hand the other side a procedural advantage.
Every letter should be read for dates the day it arrives, and those dates should live somewhere you'll actually see them. This is precisely the failure our tool was built to eliminate.
Furniture, the blender, who behaved worse — these consume billable hours at the same rate as pensions and property, while changing the outcome by very little. It's common to spend thousands arguing over items worth hundreds.
Before escalating any issue, ask what it's worth in dollars, and what resolving it will cost in professional time. Some fights are worth having. Most aren't.
Emptying joint accounts, changing the locks, cancelling the other parent's access to information, or unilaterally altering the parenting schedule all feel like taking control. In practice they usually produce an emergency motion, a bad first impression with a judge, and legal costs on both sides.
If something urgent needs to change, get advice and do it through the process. The exception is genuine safety — if anyone is at risk, act first and get help immediately.
Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children, sending messages through them, or withholding time to force movement on money — decision-makers weigh a parent's willingness to support the other relationship directly, and these behaviours count against you.
It is also the mistake with the longest tail. Financial errors can be corrected; a child's memory of being placed in the middle isn't so easily repaired.
Six months in, offers have been revised, positions have moved, and both sides remember it differently. People concede things they already won, or reopen matters that were settled, simply because they can't find the letter that says otherwise.
The person who can produce the actual wording — with the date — negotiates from a position of fact. Everyone else negotiates from a position of hope.
Incomplete financial disclosure. It's the mistake most likely to cost you money, credibility and time, because it undermines everything else you assert — and unlike most errors, it can reopen a settlement long after you thought the case was closed.
Don't move money unusually, don't take unilateral action on the home or the children's schedule, don't put anything in writing you wouldn't want read in court, and don't let deadlines pass unanswered. Nearly every serious problem traces to one of those four.
For property division in Canada, usually not much — divorce is largely no-fault. For parenting decisions, conduct matters a great deal. And in every case, behaviour that damages your credibility with the court has knock-on effects on issues where the judge must choose whose account to believe.
Settling early is often wise, but settling before disclosure is complete is risky — you may be agreeing to a division of assets you haven't fully seen. The rule of thumb: settle as soon as you know the full picture, not before.
Largely yes. Incomplete disclosure, missed deadlines, unilateral action and negotiating from memory cause problems in both systems. The main difference is that a few US states allow marital misconduct to influence alimony or property division, so conduct can carry more direct financial weight there than it typically does in Canada.
Last reviewed July 2026. Researched and written by Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice — laws, fees and forms change, so please confirm current details with the official sources above or a local family lawyer.
Missed deadlines and negotiating from memory are avoidable with a system. SortMyDivorce reads your letters and keeps every date, offer and issue in one place — with the quote behind each. $39/year.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.