By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Published
Less can be used against you than anxiety suggests — and different things than most people expect. Courts care about money, children and credibility. Here is what genuinely counts, and what mostly doesn't.
By Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce · Published
In Canada, divorce is generally granted on the basis of one year's separation, not fault. Who caused the breakdown is largely irrelevant to whether you get divorced, and in most cases to how property is divided. Adultery, unkindness, and who left first typically do not shift the property math.
This surprises people, often after months of gathering evidence about a spouse's behaviour that turns out to change nothing. Conduct becomes relevant mainly where it affects the children's safety and wellbeing, or where it involves money — hiding assets, dissipating funds, or misleading the court.
In the United States, every state now offers no-fault divorce, and in most the grounds don't affect property division either. But a number of states do allow marital misconduct — particularly adultery or dissipation of assets on an affair — to be considered in property division or alimony. If you're in the US, ask a local lawyer whether your state is one of them, because the answer genuinely differs.
Texts, emails and social posts are routinely used, and they're powerful because they're dated and in your own words. What tends to be used: threats or abusive language, admissions about money or plans, contradictions of something you swore in a financial statement, and posts inconsistent with claimed hardship — a holiday photo alongside a plea of no available funds.
The practical rule is simple. Assume everything you write to or about your ex could be read aloud in a courtroom by someone unsympathetic. That includes messages to friends, comments in parenting apps, and anything posted to a private account, since privacy settings don't make material unobtainable.
Unusual account activity around separation draws scrutiny: large transfers, sudden cash withdrawals, moving money to relatives, or paying down one person's debt from joint funds. Courts can and do reverse or account for such moves, and — more damagingly — they undermine your credibility on everything else.
Incomplete financial disclosure carries the same risk. An omission discovered by the other side invites the argument that your whole statement is unreliable, and in some circumstances a settlement can be reopened because of it.
Where parenting is contested, courts look closely at behaviour: speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children, using them to carry messages, unilaterally changing the schedule, or withholding time. Willingness to support the children's relationship with the other parent is a factor decision-makers weigh directly.
This is also where good records help rather than hurt. A calm, factual log of missed exchanges and schedule changes is far more persuasive than an emotional account, and it protects you if allegations are made in the other direction.
Write every message as if it will be read by a judge — brief, informative, friendly, firm. Keep your financial behaviour ordinary and documented. Correct any disclosure error yourself, promptly, rather than hoping it goes unnoticed.
And keep the record of what's actually been said and offered, from both sides. Most disputes about 'who said what in April' are settled instantly by producing the April letter — which is only possible if you can find it.
Yes. Texts and emails are commonly submitted as evidence and carry weight because they're dated and in your own words. Threats, admissions about money, and statements contradicting your sworn financial statement are the categories most often used.
Yes, including posts on private accounts. The most damaging pattern is inconsistency — spending or lifestyle posts that conflict with claimed financial hardship, or evidence of activity that contradicts your account of your parenting availability.
In Canada, generally no — divorce is largely no-fault and adultery rarely affects property or support, though money spent on an affair from family funds can become a financial issue. In the United States it depends on your state: most treat property division without regard to fault, but some permit misconduct to be weighed in alimony or division. Check your state specifically.
Anything threatening, anything about hiding or moving money, anything disparaging about the other parent in front of the children, and anything you haven't verified in writing. Also avoid agreeing to things verbally without recording them — informal agreements are a frequent source of later disputes.
Unilateral moves like emptying joint accounts are common early flashpoints and can usually be addressed by the court, sometimes through an interim order. Document what happened, with dates and balances, and raise it with your lawyer quickly rather than retaliating in kind.
Last reviewed July 2026. Researched and written by Neta, founder of SortMyDivorce. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice — laws, fees and forms change, so please confirm current details with the official sources above or a local family lawyer.
When a claim is made about what was said or offered, the answer is in the letters. SortMyDivorce keeps every one — with dates, deadlines and the exact quote. $39/year.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and differ by jurisdiction — confirm specifics with a local family lawyer or your court's official website. If you use SortMyDivorce, your letters stay confidential — never shared, never sold.